First Reflection
(First personal reflection post awakening. Once I accepted what was happening, I felt renewed. Like I was on a cloud of complete love, support, and understanding. This too, will happen to you if you truly allow yourself to believe, but I must warn that it will not last. The rational mind will pull you back down and force you to coexist with the ego. It does not mean what happened did not occur, quite the contrary. I consider this a gift or "glance" of grace. Essentially a "free trial" of what life is like if truly lived within accordance of the one. Of course, once the trial period ends, is where your own personal spiritual work or "Sadhana" begins. So I say this to you now- it was not a dream, it was not an illusion, it was a gift given to you by the universe and now you must earn its full return. You deserve this. Do not give up!)
I am still struggling with this new concept of understanding. The more I progress past it, the ego rears up and shows me that it cannot and will not be denied. I now understand that I was going about this somewhat wrong. Part of me truly believed that I was given a gift to release the negative aspects of my soul, to exchange it for this newfound joy and purpose.
I now know that was a foolish prospect. Tricked by the darkness yet again. But, I will not relent. I will walk this path with a sense of balance that reflects both aspects of myself. There is a time and need for darkness, but it shall not be my master.
I will observe it's movements and motivations. I will no longer be a stranger to its goals and desires. This is the way to overcome it's temptations. To trade compassion for comparison, gratitude for envy, growth for greed, realization for regret. These are things I understand.
It has its place in all of us, but we get to choose how it manifests.